I know you are fine, so am I, better than you, I have question to put and a statement, but prior to that i would like to take you through the timeline of my life .
The normal guy really does not wants much from life, apart from, maybe, a hot chick, money, car, freedom, more money, better car , hotter chick and more freedom. This was exactly me, like the normal guy, nothing special very forgettable, not very demanding,but I knew the spark within me, I knew my charm and my chasm, before you ruined it all.
Had a very normal life stayed at home during the meals, touched the corners of the city with friends for no rhyme or reason, friends were everything they still are, I gave them all the time which was in anyway futile and they never disappointed, my jaws used to pain at night due to the laughter of the day and garrulous nature i possessed, I met every friend as if this was the last day of my life. I joined an organization for enhancing the spectrum of women in my life, and wanted to be the cynosure which i was up to a particular extent. I thought that life could only get better, it was like a carnival, I was cocky, stubborn, pugnacious, complex and as per my sister’s predicament about me I was a “difficult child”, and i enjoyed being that.
Life was going great, money was less, all in all the chores of a 20 year old were in place and in the right pace, until the year of independence for my country and me struck.
So now i had my counter part more argumentative more social, more charming, i was right in front of a person, for whom everything i did was ” you are totally wrong” , but” I am never wrong, either the things have gone wrong, or you are not that mentally capable to understand me” or my desires, my way.
For me money and fame were the zenith, relationships were like” they kill you”slowly and painfully like cancer, commitments were only done from the other side, respecting others virtue were like so NO. I ADORED ,PAMPERED THE WAY I WAS.
But now i was cursed, and things were turning WEIRD, initially it was like “it cannot happen to me” this is just ephemeral, but it was destined, it was all a plan a set pattern to which i was a mere pawn, my movements were guided, may be somebodies persona is so formidable that you just fall victim.
I was a victim to-
all fatal diseases.
I was feeling uneasy, it was like going through puberty again, I kept myself engaged in a monologue that “this is ad hoc”, I can’t be in live because that is an “activity” of the loser’s for the cattle class, I had to live up to my reputation, which was fake, but who cares as long as people think you are a casanova, after all it was all about the show off.
FUCK. FUCK.FUCK. FUCK.FUCK. FUCK.FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.!
I consulted some ‘loser’ycians and I was diagnosed as per my apprehension, but still being a star and a bubble-boy, I thought this would be for a while, i would convalescence.
But something else was planned, the cancer was by the bets virus in the world,
and I later was enjoying my situation, i was enjoying the path i was straddling, because even the idea of the association with her gave me butterflies.
Now i wanted her, and she was not here, things again turned against me, nothing was going as per the plan, and the cancer gradually transcended me into her alter-ego, I built her within my soul and against my ego I was changing the word i used to abhor, I built a trans personality, i was reading chronically, i was listening patiently, i was loving passionately, I was not me, I was a better me, working out things would be impractical, but love is not a practical process, I am over-ambitious and i cannot help to give-up that is what her personality within me makes me do, it’s her soul wanting her, i am just a mere spectator.
You know in life somethings would be left incomplete, one should be happy with what one has, but then there are few are that are too special to be left incomplete and that is you.